Things will never be the same. Each day is a struggle. In reality, we can never bring AJ back. It's amazing how we live like nothing happened. Sure. Life must go on. There's more to life than imprisoning ourselves in the pain of losing AJ. Yet, the mere fact that he is already gone is truly hurtful. 3
I can still remember the day I was able to visit him on his last night. I didn't get the chance to be there on the first 8 day. I was with my sister, friends and Lou. As we were on our way to Christ The King, we couldn't believe we were actually going to AJ's wake. It felt so unreal. 3 At the back of my mind, I kept on saying, "Hindi pwede. Hindi 'to totoo. Joke lang 'to e." I was holding back my tears the entire time until we reached the place. There was a line of people, fans and supporters who were hoping to see AJ for the last time. Then I saw a big board of him made by his LSGH batchmates. There was a picture of him and words printed, "Till we meet again.. AJ" at the bottom of the board. That's when I realized na yun na talaga. We waited at the entrance until Gello brought us in. We went straight ahead to the dining area and waited for the novena mass to end. From there, I still couldn't believe everything. I never imagined it would come to an end that early. I was not prepared. Who knew AJ will be gone too soon? No one. When the mass was over, we headed to meet Tito Gerry, Tita Marivic and Gello. After giving our condolonces, the moment finally arrived to see AJ. I couldn't explain the feeling. We finally met again. AJ was lying inside with his eyes closed and there I was, standing outside with my heart broken. I wanted to cry my heart out but no tears fell down. I couldn't believe that AJ will close his eyes - forever.
I can still remember the day I was able to visit him on his last night. I didn't get the chance to be there on the first 8 day. I was with my sister, friends and Lou. As we were on our way to Christ The King, we couldn't believe we were actually going to AJ's wake. It felt so unreal. 3 At the back of my mind, I kept on saying, "Hindi pwede. Hindi 'to totoo. Joke lang 'to e." I was holding back my tears the entire time until we reached the place. There was a line of people, fans and supporters who were hoping to see AJ for the last time. Then I saw a big board of him made by his LSGH batchmates. There was a picture of him and words printed, "Till we meet again.. AJ" at the bottom of the board. That's when I realized na yun na talaga. We waited at the entrance until Gello brought us in. We went straight ahead to the dining area and waited for the novena mass to end. From there, I still couldn't believe everything. I never imagined it would come to an end that early. I was not prepared. Who knew AJ will be gone too soon? No one. When the mass was over, we headed to meet Tito Gerry, Tita Marivic and Gello. After giving our condolonces, the moment finally arrived to see AJ. I couldn't explain the feeling. We finally met again. AJ was lying inside with his eyes closed and there I was, standing outside with my heart broken. I wanted to cry my heart out but no tears fell down. I couldn't believe that AJ will close his eyes - forever.
It's almost 4 months since then. But everything is completely fresh. The pain still covers my heart whenever the thought of not seeing him again for the rest of my life comes in. And I miss him even more. i think it's true. The feeling is not constant. But I was not prepared with this roller coaster ride of emotions. Today, you feel so much pain. The next day, you just find yourself happy for him because he's in a good place already. Sometimes, it's anger and hate. But usually, it's loneliness. I guess, we can never really force ourselves to move on right away with the loss of someone you truly care about. With someone who inspired and touched your life for almost 4 years. I salute AJ's family and Steph on how they get to deal with it everyday. It's tough. Really. I wonder how much pain they feel more than I. Moving on is a long process as they say. Sometimes, no matter how hard I try to let go and be happy, I just can't make it. It's not the easiest thing but I know I can do this. I'm trying. I really do.
Sorry AJ for this. :'( But I'm really doing my best to cope up. Just give me enough time to fully accept everything. It will all get better in time. I miss you.
- Joana Marie Cruz
One of the Founders
Sorry AJ for this. :'( But I'm really doing my best to cope up. Just give me enough time to fully accept everything. It will all get better in time. I miss you.
- Joana Marie Cruz
One of the Founders
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